Our society largely teaches us that if we hope to find happiness, we must have a myriad of very specific things, among them: romantic love, marriage, children and a stable, high-paying career. I have none of these things, and yet I am living more fully than I have ever lived before. Only one month into 2012 and I can already see that my 37th year is gearing up to be the best of my life. And I am yet again reminded that if we are open, if we pay attention to the signs, if we listen to our instincts and trust, we can create and experience nothing short of magic in our lives.
One year ago today, shortly after being fired for the first time in my life, I reflected on the idea of the “life plan,” the idea that there are certain milestones towards which we are “supposed” to work and specific benchmarks by which we measure our success in achieving said milestones. And I am now able to see that it wasn’t until I rejected those measurements, and let go of any idea of the life I had planned, that I began to see the true magic unfold in my life. It was truly by surrendering that my life began to flow with the current.
Today I turn 37 years old and I stand in awe of the life that has manifested before me. It is not a life I ever could have dreamed of or imagined. It is, in fact, the farthest thing from any picture I ever could have painted for myself. Nor is it a life that any of my friends or family ever would have predicted for me. Yet I look back in wonder and amazement at the incredible journey, the unexpected twists and turns, the surprising detours and the life-altering and mind-blowing experiences that have delivered me to this very place in time and space.
Simultaneously, I am mesmerized by how much has happened, by how quickly the years have passed, a blip on the dashboard of universal time. And I find myself sounding like my father when I say, “I never thought I’d get to be {insert age}!” Just the other day I expressed this same thought to a friend of mine, who very wisely responded, “You’ve earned your 37 and you have to admit it is probably better then 17 or 27 for that matter.” As I pondered this, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the veritable accuracy and poignancy of that statement. I looked back on my life at those ages and this is what I realized: 17 was the year of my first broken heart; 27 was the year of my second broken heart…So what of 37?… 37 is the year of my LIBERATED HEART.
For much of the two decades between my tender 17-year old adolescent self and my now 37-year older and wiser self, I have been through the wringer of broken hearts, time and again left dripping helplessly into the floor. I have touched every range of emotion and their deep and often painful polar opposites. I have lived, breathed and tasted them. And I have drowned in them. I have looked for love and happiness in all of the wrong places, and I have fought tooth and nail for loves that left me broken and wrung out. And in the process I have seen the inner fibers of my heart carved out, leaving me with gaping holes of emptiness.
Whatever remnants of an intact heart were left after the first two broken hearts, were finally completely shattered by the third (and hopefully last!). But though I did not realize it at that time, it was that utter smashing of my heart that would actually be the key to cracking me wide open. I saw a beautiful quote the other day:
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”~ Rumi
The day that my heart was shattered into smithereens, was the day that my true healing could really begin. Since that time, I have dived more deeply into my soul than I ever dared dream possible. I have touched the source of the divine within me, the deep well of wisdom and knowing, and I have connected with the celestial forces all around me, above and beneath me. I have drunk, tasted and touched the pure light of love. I have found Bliss.
So yes, it is true: I have no romantic love. I have no marriage or children. And I don’t have a stable, high-paying career. But I lack nothing. I have found true happiness in myself, with myself and by myself.
On that note, age 36, I bid thee a loving farewell. You have been a true and trusted friend on the journey to the heart, you have been the gateway to my liberation. I will always look back on you with reverence as the year that changed everything and I will carry you with me as I walk forward into what I know will be one of the most powerful and transformational years of my life.
Hello age 37. I welcome you with open arms and a fully intact heart.
You are realizing what I am having trouble grasping. Loving and being in love with self is good. Depending someone or something else for happiness is not the way to obtain it. Congrats on your turning point in life. Wonderful.
Juan, thank you so much for your lovely comment. And thank you for reading.
Jeannie – what a great way to celebrate your birthday and YOU! I agree that shattered hearts have the power to transform us and open us up to a whole new life. And…the self assurance and wisdom that comes with age is a true gift indeed. I look forward to sharing in your joy this coming year. Much love to you!
Thank you sweet Bobbie, for your kind words and your love and support. Much light and love to you.
Your postings always bring a smile to my face and inspire me. I turn 40 this year, and I cannot begin to tell you how much my life has changed in ways I never expected over the last few months. I just let it go and let it happen. Happy Birthday and continued happiness in life. ~Namaste~
Thomas, that is wonderful. I truly believe that as soon as we surrender and let go, that’s when things start to make sense! Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
A beautiful post. May your 37th year hold lots of bliss, peace and joy!
Lorraine
Thank you kindly, Lorraine. Many blessings to you as well!
Oh Jeannie, Happy Beautiful Broken Open Birthday to you! Thank you for your gift of sharing so much that matters with all of us. Now push on, undaunted, toward the light! xo
Robin, what a beautiful comment. Thank you so much.
A beautiful post Jeannie! Vulnerable, honest and strong, thanks for sharing.
No go out there and make this year the best yet!!!
Thank you so much Todd. Much love to you.
Happy 37th, Jeannie! I’ll be turning 37, also, this coming May. I’m hoping that it’ll wind up being a really great year, too. My 36th year has been a mix of highs and lows, loving deeply and losing it (twice with the same person). I’m fortunate to have a stable, well-paying job, my good health, and wonderful family and friends. But I’ve got grander plans for myself this year, just me, myself, and I. (I keep joking with my friends that I’m living my life as just me and my cat — drama free!)
Here’s to you and your year of your liberated heart!!!
xoxo
Hi there,
Sorry I’m just responding to you now. Thanks so much for your lovely comment. I am wishing you (and your sweet kitty) and wonderful, drama-free 37th. Like a fine wine, life gets better with age.
Wishing you much joy and laughter in your life.
Cheers,
Jeannie
Noah Maze, during a workshop, told us something that has stuck with me ever since. He said, “You were born perfect. You lack nothing.” Many people have said that I’m sure. However, no one has said it to me during hour four of an Anusara workshop, drenched in sweat, and in a blissful state of mind. After he said that, I got it. I just got it. I’m glad you found yourself and your current state of mind.
Love and Light.
J
Sorry I’m just responding to this now, Justin. Digging out.
Thanks so much for your sweet comment. It is so true what you said. So grateful to have you on this journey with me. 
“So yes, it is true: I have no romantic love. I have no marriage or children. And I don’t have a stable, high-paying career. But I lack nothing.” This should be blasted all over the world for all women and men to hear. These societal trappings of what we are “supposed” to be doing by age ___, really sets many of us up for depression later on in life due to mere illusions of what life is supposed to be according to someone else’s standards. Once we see past the illusions and start living from our own standards, that’s when real life begins in my humble opinion. I’m still working on getting past the illusions part. Work in progress. Thanks for writing this.
Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful comment. You are right that society traps us with these expectations. It took me a long time to get here, but I truly feel liberated!
Glad to know that it is possible to get there. Congrats! I guess anything is truly possible.
what a beautiful post and a wonderful perspective on life. I love my thirties so much more that the years before. For me its brought patience, understanding and a greater appreciation of all the little stuff in life.
It’s so interesting that you say that, Leah. I was so excited when I turned 30, to leave behind the drama of the 20s. Little did I know that the darkest years of my life still lay ahead of me, in my 30s. And they were. Truly my dark night of the soul. But now that I’m in my late 30s and have walked through the fire, I am left transformed and happier than ever. So I guess it was all worth it in the end! Thanks for reading!
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